


your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me

by youwillfindme



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Post-Canon, hand-holding, the other foxes are also there but don't speak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 21:49:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6257200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youwillfindme/pseuds/youwillfindme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neil and Andrew and holding hands: A Study</p>
            </blockquote>





	your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea about 5 minutes after finishing the series and it just wouldn't let me go, so I wrote this the same evening. I can't believe the first fic I'm ever posting on here is about a book series of all things, who would've thought.
> 
> Thanks to my lovely Brazilian cheerleaders for making me read the series, letting me scream at them about it, and then reading this & encouraging me to post it. <3

The first time in happens, it’s almost an accident. Not really, of course, since neither Neil nor Andrew are particularly fond of accidental touches, but with the way Neil’s head is still blurry from a mind-blowing orgasm, he’s sure he could pass it off as involuntary. It, in this case, is the way he wraps his hand around Andrew’s.

They’re lying in a bed that’s way too narrow even for them, crowded up against each other but not draped over one another, catching their breath. Andrew’s hand rests on Neil’s chest, fingers tangled in the shirt they didn’t manage to get off in their desperation. If anyone were to ask Neil why he thought putting his hand over Andrew’s and holding it gently, palm against the back of Andrew’s hand but fingers not entwined, was a good idea, he’s not sure he’d be able to come up with an answer. Because it was an awful idea, surely. Andrew might allow him to touch now, occasionally even leans into his touch when he’s feeling like it, but holding hands is not something they’ve ever done. By now they’ve both accepted that this is a thing, but it’s just not _that kind_ of thing.

By the time Neil’s brain catches up with what he’s doing and he figures that he should maybe remove his hand, Andrew still hasn’t reacted. He’s still staring at the ceiling with a bored expression, but he hasn’t withdrawn his hand or shaken off Neil’s. He’s entirely pretending it isn’t happening.

Neil has learned to accept small victories, so he leaves his hand where it is.

-

It kind of becomes a thing, after that. Whenever he thinks he can get away with it, but only during or after sex, Neil will hold Andrew’s hand. That’s how it starts, at least.

Whenever Andrew doesn’t pull his hand away – and he does, sometimes, when he doesn’t want Neil touching his hand like he’s learned to expect from him – Neil will put his hand over Andrew’s. At first it’s usually just the palm of his hand against the back of Andrew’s, until one evening Andrew keeps his hand palm-up instead of down. He still doesn’t acknowledge it, doesn’t even look at Neil when he does it, but he allows it. And after that first time, he rests his hand on Neil’s chest with his palm up once in a while, and Neil takes that as the silent invitation he hopes it is.

Pressing his palm against Andrew’s feels absolutely exhilarating, and that’s how Neil realises he’s in trouble. In between all the other touches they share it should feel like nothing, just another part of his skin touching Andrew’s – a part that is way less intimate than most other places they touch – but somehow, it feels different. More special, more intimate, more connected.

One evening, as Andrew rests his hand on the mattress with his palm up, Neil decides to be bold and curls his fingers around Andrew’s. He doesn’t hold on too tightly, but it’s also not the loose grip it was before; it’s more. Andrew’s expression doesn’t change, he doesn’t even look at Neil, but Neil thinks he can feel Andrew’s fingers give a gentle twitch against his. He’s not sure if he imagined it, so he decides to ignore it.

It’s a small moment, but Neil cherishes it nonetheless.

-

It takes weeks before anything else happens. They’re so busy: with Exy and their training, with class, with the social activities involving the whole team which become more and more frequent, despite Aaron’s still-existing reluctance (and sometimes Neil silently wonders if maybe Aaron is purposefully being more difficult than he has to be, because he’s seen his eyes soften slightly whenever Katelyn hangs out with the Foxes). And yet, they still always find some time to be together: in the showers, while everyone else is getting drunk in the other room, sometimes after the others are asleep. And it doesn’t always happen, but Neil finds he likes the feeling of Andrew’s smaller hand in his too much to not take every opportunity he has.

Once he started entwining their fingers, he also started slowly trailing them over Andrew’s hands, getting to know them. He trails his fingers across Andrew’s rough and hardened palm, his short but strong fingers, the fingernails he always keeps short. He traces the marred skin on Andrew’s knuckles as gently as he can, feeling the old scars underneath the newer ones. If Andrew’s hands are cold, he gently rubs them with his to warm them up, and plays absentmindedly with his fingers. He’s come to appreciate the feel of Andrew’s hands; all their flaws, their dips and bumps and rough patches, how strong he knows they are and how fragile they feel like this.

And even though Andrew (usually) lets him, doesn’t complain or even acknowledge it, he also doesn’t reciprocate. His hands always stay limp unless he pulls them away. And Neil knows to be happy with what he gets, to be content that he’s allowed even this much, but sometimes he finds himself wishing Andrew would return even a bit of the touch – something as simple as squeezing his fingers just once. Anything, everything. But he never pushes, never demands, is content with taking what he’s allowed to have.

So it comes as a surprise when one evening, leaning against the wall in the bedroom while Nicky is working at his desk in the other room – with headphones on, a lesson he learned pretty quickly – Neil takes Andrew’s hand, squeezes it gently after threading his fingers through Andrew’s, and Andrew squeezes back. It’s not much, just a quick movement of his fingers as they curl around Neil’s hand and a short, too-strong squeeze, but it definitely happened. And he’s not pulling away either, though he stops squeezing.

They hold hands while they wait for their breathing to slow and their heartbeats to calm down, and if it takes Neil’s heart a little longer, well. Who can blame him, really?

-

After that, it becomes more frequent. Neil half-expected Andrew’s reciprocation to be a one-time thing and was surprised to discover it wasn’t. Not only did he return Neil’s touches and wrapped their fingers around each other more and more frequently, he also started initiating it. They still never discussed it, and why would they: there were so many things they didn’t need to talk about. Andrew still always asked for consent, and Neil always answered _yes_ , but some things didn’t need to be discussed.

So when Neil comes home after class to find Andrew alone in the room and Andrew stands up, walks over to him, presses him against the wall (gently, less forcefully than he does at other times), stands on his tiptoes to kiss Neil and twines both of their hands together before pressing them against the wall over Neil’s head, all Neil does is smile into the kiss and squeeze Andrew’s hands gently.

\- 

The one thing about them that has absolutely not changed, and they both don’t want to change, is how private they are. It doesn’t matter that the whole team knows about what they have (and tease as much as they can get away with without inciting Andrew’s wrath), they never do anything in front of them. Or, well, anything the others wouldn’t also do – with Neil, not Andrew – like press together shoulder against shoulder if there isn’t a lot of space.

So when it’s time for another Fox Movie Night, as officially dubbed by Nicky, Neil and Andrew sit next to each other on the floor on a pile of blankets, leaning against the sofa that Kevin sits on and Nicky is sprawled over (he’d joked about resting his feet on Kevin’s lap only once before a dark look from Kevin shut him up) but don’t really touch. Their sides are pressed together as they share a blanket because it’s kind of cold and also more convenient this way, but they don’t touch beyond that.

The movie they’re watching is some kind of horror flick, not a type of movie Neil particularly enjoys, and they’re all actually quiet to pay attention to it. Not voluntarily, of course, but because after one too many conversations during movies, a strict no-speaking rule had been instated. Neil isn’t really sure how that is supposed to increase team morale but he’d decided to just let it go; he wasn’t the one speaking most of the time, anyways.

The only issue is that Neil really, really hates jump scares. It’s not that he is terrified of what happens on screen, but after growing up like he did, sudden movement tends to scare someone. He keeps his hands under the blanket so the others can’t see him clench his fists whenever a sudden movement occurs on screen – he knows he can trust them, knows they wouldn’t judge, but he doesn’t want them to think he can’t handle it and that they need to turn off the movie. He’s fine, really.

And he is, until the biggest scare yet happens on screen, with lights and screams and a lot of blood; and he can’t help it, it’s instinctive when he grabs Andrew’s hand under the blanket. Why his hand is there he doesn’t know, but he felt it earlier when Andrew trailed his fingers over Neil’s thigh, a harmless tease. Neil’s squeezing Andrew’s fingers, can feel that he’s maybe using too much force, but in that moment it’s the only thing he can do. When exactly Andrew became not only the person he leans on but also the one whose hand he holds during scary movies, he’s not really sure, but he also doesn’t feel like questioning it.

As it were, he figures he should probably let go – not only are they not alone, but he grabbed Andrew’s hand without a warning, and he knows Andrew hates sudden touches. But before he can unclench his fingers, he feels Andrew’s hand move. Slowly, Andrew’s hand shifts to loosen Neil’s grab on him and he turns their hands a little, until he can very gently thread his fingers through Neil’s. Neil turns to stare at him, knows he’s staring openly and obviously, that the others can probably tell, but Andrew keeps watching the TV like it’s the most boring thing he’s ever encountered. When Neil doesn’t look away, Andrew squeezes his hand – not a comfort, but a warning to look away, to stop being so obvious.

And Neil does the only thing he can think of: he squeezes back and turns back to the TV.

They stay like that all through this movie and the next one, using their free hands whenever they take a snack or a drink. The others shouldn’t be able to see through the blanket, but they seem to catch on to the fact that both Neil and Andrew are only using one hand each and that it’s the one not between them. Neil can feel Aaron’s heavy stare for just a moment before he looks away, sees Dan look at them and nudge Matt, leaning in to whisper something to him, sees Renee’s smile from the corner of his eye. If Andrew notices any of this, he doesn’t give any indication that he does.

Until two minutes later, when Nicky gasps behind them and says “Hey, are you guys-“

That’s as far as he gets before Andrew turns his head around to stare at him. He doesn’t say anything, looks as bored as he usually does, but Nicky gets the hint and shuts up very quickly. Andrew continues to stare at him for a few seconds before turning back to the TV as if nothing had happened.

Neil trails his fingers over Andrew’s hand under the blanket, drawing small circles on the back of his hand over a scar on his knuckle, and squeezes it gently. Andrew squeezes back.

And all of a sudden Neil is glad they’re watching a horror movie, because while the screen is dark no one can see him smile.


End file.
